Cleopatra
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Constituency1
Candidate Summary
Want to be a leader? Oh, sweet mortal, one does not want to be a God-Queen. One simply is. However, if I must justify my divine right to rule, it boils down to the absolute incompetence of everyone else. Have you met my brother, Ptolemy XIII? The boy couldn't manage a mud bath, let alone the most fertile kingdom in the Mediterranean.
Personal statement
I am a woman of the people. Therefore, I will consult widely and thoughtfully with a very diverse, carefully selected coalition consisting of:
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The Gods: Mostly myself, but occasionally I’ll run things by Ra or Osiris if I’m feeling generous.
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The Stars: Because astrology is far more reliable than the Senate.
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Extremely Powerful Roman Generals: I find that a private, candlelit dinner on a golden barge floating down the Nile is the most effective "focus group" for getting foreign policy pushed through.
If the common folk have grievances, they are absolutely welcome to submit them via papyrus. I will have my handmaidens read them aloud while I bathe in ass's milk. If your idea is good, I will implement it and take total credit. If it is bad, you will be personally introduced to my royal crocodiles. I call it "radical transparency."
Why should someone vote for you?
"Vote." How utterly adorable.
We usually just use poison or a mercenary army to settle these things, but I will play your game.
You should "vote" for me because I am the only thing standing between you and complete Roman subjugation—or worse, a boring life.
The Cleopatra Promise:
Getting taxed slightly less to fund spectacular, week-long feasts.Stable, glamorous autocracy with an impeccable skincare routine.
A booming economy based on grain, papyrus, and flawless eyeliner.
Simply put: I speak nine languages, I have the greatest navy in the known world, and I know how to make an entrance wrapped in a rug. Vote for Cleopatra. The alternative is quite literally venomous.
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