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CONSUL DEMOCRACY

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Joan of Arc

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Candidate Summary

I am leading because the Archangel Michael, Saint Margaret, and Saint Catherine literally will not stop whispering in my ear until I kick the English out of France. When the King of Heaven gives you a direct mandate to lift a siege, you don't form an exploratory committee. You cut your hair, grab a sword you found buried behind an altar, and get to work. "I am not a politician; I am a divine intervention. Act accordingly."

Personal statement

My consultation process is incredibly streamlined and completely bypasses the usual bureaucratic red tape.

  • The Saints: My primary advisors. I get daily briefings directly from Heaven. It is highly accurate and completely immune to lobbying or bribery.

  • The French Generals: I do "consult" with them, mostly by listening to their overly cautious battle plans, politely ignoring everything they just said, and ordering a full frontal assault on the English fortifications anyway. It has a 100% success rate so far.

  • The Enemy: I send them a very polite letter asking them to surrender and go back to their own island before I arrive. If they decline my consultation, I introduce them to my cannons.

Why should someone vote for you?

Because before I showed up, France had been losing the Hundred Years' War for, well, almost a hundred years. The Dauphin was hiding in a castle, the army was demoralized, and half the country was allied with the enemy. I turned the tide in a week. I don't offer empty campaign promises; I offer literal miracles.

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